About Sonia Ahuja

Still figuring out!!

Last night before a life

Last night at home
Last time it is
Last feeling of being torn apart
Last time of a soul gone bare
Last time today the tears have dried
Last time it is before I smile
A smile that won’t be for the last time.

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Then vs Now

They didn’t smile at everyone around,
A smile then was taken as an invitation.

They wouldn’t say sorry for nothing,
Here they’re sorry even when they don’t know what you want.

It was easy for them to get angry at anything,
Here, they’re just politely rude.

Emotions were high all round back then,
Now it’s all so subtle and succinct.

The colors there were more beige and brown,
The pastels more plain,
The hues more soft.
Here it’s all green, yellow and red,
The shades more bright
The tones more deep.

They taught us all about jeans back then,
Here they train you in stockings and shorts.

They hovered around anyone’s meal,
Here eating is a somber task.

They clung on to anyone they saw,
Here they make contact to forget.

The morning there started with a hug,
A heart felt smile, a glint in the eye.
Eyes here open to a reflection of the walls and a mirror that erises no one.

The day there finished before it started,
The one here engulfs all the time.

The thoughts there were more simple and relaxed, limited to the petty sorrows of life.
The ones here are more about the bigger picture in life, the better good, the larger tomorrow.

Love cause I want to, not cause I have to

Reading the updates of people in my network enables me to identify the “emptiness” in their lives.

Girls who are engaged to get married are writing solemn quotes hoping that their fiancee will read them and transform into their Knight in shining Armour.

Boys who are engaged are busy with their sophisticated and coded “boy-talk” in order to hide their true colors from their fiancee while his friends are gleefully commenting upon how phenomenally “blessed” is his fiancee.

Girls who are married are going crazy over pictures of their honeymoon and their “perfect” life together. While actually all they want is one “like” or “comment” from their husbands.

Boys who are married are covering their walls with “all boys times” or “office screw ups” and somewhere in between make an odd comment on their state of mind which is only “liked” by their beautiful wife!

Girls who are single are spending their lifetime on capturing their emotions within words or via songs and discussing their vacuum publicly while making sarcastic remarks on the dearth of “good men”.

Boys who are single are so shy to accept their emptiness socially that they are happy discussing even the length and breadth of Vicky’s “donor” just the evade this discussion completely.

In all of this, there are some married/to-be-married couples who resonate the happiness equivocally and give me hope.

Relationships are to be shared. A man-woman relationship is about completion and fulfillment. It’s about acceptance.

I want to “bear” my man not cause I have to, but cause I Want To.

PS. The above mentioned views are based on “my” observations of 902 “friends” in my network.

Every penny makes a difference

The clear blue sky, the calm ocean,
the golden sand, the bright sunshine,
It all symbolized Christmas time
And everybody was on cloud nine.

One was building a castle in the air
while another was tugging at his mother’s hair.
One fancied a tiny ping pong;
while the other preferred to sing a song.
The beach seemed like an ideal playground
and god up there just watched astound.

Just as dusk decided to set in
they packed there bags to move in.
The festive mood still prevailed
as they slept heavily curtailed.

Then came dawn
and they woke up with a yawn.
Memories of last night were still afresh
even with the one covered by the wire mesh.

And then…… came the waves

To shatter the castle that once stood still,
to kill the mother against her will.
The ping-pong now floated awhile
while the song never reached its style.
The beach was now a deathbed
and god up there still watched instead.

The school they loved was now no more
nor was the house to shelter all the more
The beach was now a sodden land
and buried in the middle was a small hand.

A young one cried at his loss
seeing his mother covered with wet moss.
One was frantic for air
while the other went mad with entangled hair.

The dusk decided to set in again
but now they packed no bags in vain
The mood was all for the sake
as they tried hard to stay awake.

Days passed and nights went by
while they tried to hold on to their lie.
Unable to believe all was over
they stared at their broken land rover.

Their buildings have now been reconstructed
and their houses duly mended
but what remains uncovered,
Is their soul untended;
As their wait for arms remains unended……….

(Do we still need a reason to donate?)

That night….

She slept that night with the Santa by her side;
She slept that night ‘cause she knew god would take care of her;
She slept that night unaware of what awaited at dawn;
She slept that night- oh! That eventful night.

The birds chirped as dawn approached
While the clouds gave way to the bright sunshine.
And suddenly she woke up- on water 20 feet high!
She cried ‘mother’, no answer,
She cried ‘sister’, no answer,
She cried ‘god’…
And far away she saw light;
She tried to follow but drowned.
She then came up with a force unknown;
And before she knew, she was gliding above;
Gliding as she had never done before.

She walked gently through the doors struck by a glow
And as she looked down she saw-
Bodies floating and people crying.
Amidst all the cacophony she noticed the local church,
It stood still as ever before.
Struck by reality she searched for her family but to no avail.
She looked at god earnestly but he chose to merely smile.

Suddenly she heard a familiar voice and spurned around
And saw her baby sister tugging at her mother’s hand.
She couldn’t help but smile as she realized- ‘no one is immortal’
The night approached and she slept again
With the Santa still by her side.
Just then a baby cried: born to a mother who had lost all
And this time she never slept at all………

You

You came into my life as a silent breeze,
caressing my body and soul,
I stood dumbstruck as you turned my world upside down,
and then u left, as suddenly as you came
but after creating a furore.

I’m still waiting for you right there where you left me,
hoping against hope that you will return one day.
I’ve heard them say – don’t fall in love, always rise.
but according to me- never fall in love, u may not come out alive……………..

They say you will never return and
that things will never be the same;
that you will never caress me the way you used to,
that you never feel for me the way you used to,
and that we will never be ‘us’ again.

I’ve often heard them say – Never fall in love, Always rise.
but according to me- Never fall in love, You may not come out alive……………..
I’ve also heard them say- Hope never dies
So for me – I’m still hoping that you will come back
and that I will continue hoping
till….. my very last breath.

Relationships

Relationships as I understand are extremely precarious
What seems right is always wrong
What seems wrong is what you want
What seems yours is unimportant
What’s not yours is so desirable

Why is every wish of his not related to her
Why is everything that she does seem like a routine to him
Why does he ask for space when all she wants is to willingly strangulate herself
Why does he make boundaries so far away from her
And she draws her limits within him….