Getting over you…..

God…I love you so much

Don’t if I can ever stop loving you and think about someone else…. You seem to exist in every thought
U live in every breath U live in my heart
My soul
My being
Myself.

I don’t know if you’ll ever leave
I don’t know if I will ever let you go
I don’t know if I’ll ever stop feeling that you’re breathing next to me
Like your lips are on my ears, murmuring my name
As if you’re hands are holding mine, clutching them and not letting them go
Like your eyes are looking at me, where ever I am
Like I’m turning towards you every time I dress up, just to know what you think.

I don’t know if I’ll ever stop hoping
Hoping that I turn around and I’ll find you standing there
With your arms stretched wide
Waiting to embrace me
And never let go
Not this time.

I don’t know if I’ll ever stop thinking, did we stand a chance?
Was there anything I could have done to make it work?
And see you one more day
To spend one more second with you.

Will I ever stop sleeping with your thoughts and waking up with them?
Will I ever stop saying your name?
Will I ever stop imagining your reactions to everything I do?
Will I ever stop holding my breath on the mere mention of you?
Will I ever stop looking for you?

Will I ever stop living you?

God….. Will I ever stop loving you?

Will I ever…. get over you????

I wish the wish….

I miss the luxury of having someone to run to for every worry I had,
I miss the carefree moments spent because someone else was taking care of it all
Being forced to grow up Is not a good feeling after all
Did you ever experience something similar??

I wish….. Life wasn’t so harsh
That I didn’t have to go
That you weren’t so practical
And that I wasn’t so insane
And that we had a little more time together
And that god hadn’t planned this.

Don’t know what’s worse,
Knowing you exist and not being with you
Or never having known you at all
and having escaped the pain and hurt

I’ve wished and wished and wished and wished
But some wishes just don’t come true
And we die wondering what if I wish this wasn’t that unfulfilled and incomplete wish

Alas it is And has left my soul crippled Forever

I love you for the rest of my life
because till my heart beats it’ll love you…..

Last night before a life

Last night at home
Last time it is
Last feeling of being torn apart
Last time of a soul gone bare
Last time today the tears have dried
Last time it is before I smile
A smile that won’t be for the last time.

Then vs Now

They didn’t smile at everyone around,
A smile then was taken as an invitation.

They wouldn’t say sorry for nothing,
Here they’re sorry even when they don’t know what you want.

It was easy for them to get angry at anything,
Here, they’re just politely rude.

Emotions were high all round back then,
Now it’s all so subtle and succinct.

The colors there were more beige and brown,
The pastels more plain,
The hues more soft.
Here it’s all green, yellow and red,
The shades more bright
The tones more deep.

They taught us all about jeans back then,
Here they train you in stockings and shorts.

They hovered around anyone’s meal,
Here eating is a somber task.

They clung on to anyone they saw,
Here they make contact to forget.

The morning there started with a hug,
A heart felt smile, a glint in the eye.
Eyes here open to a reflection of the walls and a mirror that erises no one.

The day there finished before it started,
The one here engulfs all the time.

The thoughts there were more simple and relaxed, limited to the petty sorrows of life.
The ones here are more about the bigger picture in life, the better good, the larger tomorrow.

Love cause I want to, not cause I have to

Reading the updates of people in my network enables me to identify the “emptiness” in their lives.

Girls who are engaged to get married are writing solemn quotes hoping that their fiancee will read them and transform into their Knight in shining Armour.

Boys who are engaged are busy with their sophisticated and coded “boy-talk” in order to hide their true colors from their fiancee while his friends are gleefully commenting upon how phenomenally “blessed” is his fiancee.

Girls who are married are going crazy over pictures of their honeymoon and their “perfect” life together. While actually all they want is one “like” or “comment” from their husbands.

Boys who are married are covering their walls with “all boys times” or “office screw ups” and somewhere in between make an odd comment on their state of mind which is only “liked” by their beautiful wife!

Girls who are single are spending their lifetime on capturing their emotions within words or via songs and discussing their vacuum publicly while making sarcastic remarks on the dearth of “good men”.

Boys who are single are so shy to accept their emptiness socially that they are happy discussing even the length and breadth of Vicky’s “donor” just the evade this discussion completely.

In all of this, there are some married/to-be-married couples who resonate the happiness equivocally and give me hope.

Relationships are to be shared. A man-woman relationship is about completion and fulfillment. It’s about acceptance.

I want to “bear” my man not cause I have to, but cause I Want To.

PS. The above mentioned views are based on “my” observations of 902 “friends” in my network.

Kuch baat hai dil main aisi

Kyun aaj bhi yeh dil kare tera intezaar
Kyun aaj bhi yeh aankhein dekhe sapne tere baar baar
Kyu aaj bhi in sansoon mein teri mehak hai
Kyu aaj bhi har jagah teri pehal hai
Tu chala gaya door band karke saare dwar
Kyu aaj bhi is dil ko hai bas tera intezaar…….

Kuch baat hai dil main aisi
Jo zubaan tak aati nahi
Ek kaanta sa jaise halak main phansa ho kahin
Ek dor jo tooti par resham ke dhaage si aaj bhi lehraati hai
Ek panna uss kitaab ka jal gayi thi jo barson pehle
Saath to raha nahi
To kyu uska ehsaas aaj bhi hain
Maano abhi jee uthega woh har lamha
Jo yaad dilaata hai ankhiyon main bhare un aasuon ki

Roi thi main tab bhi
Roti hun main ab bhi
Kya badla teri judaai se
Tere jaane ka gham
Ya tere hone ka dukh……….

Aaj tu bhi hai
Aur teri tanhayee bhi
Aaj gham bhi hai
Aur teri judaai bhi
Aaj hawaon main na khushboo hai
Na ghataon main madhoshi

Aaj bas hum hain yahan
Itne akele itne tanha
Ki aaj sochte hain

Tere saath bhi akele
Tere bina bhi akele

To khud hi chal padte hain
Banane apna ik karwaan…..

this time…

this night i am
all here all alone
this time i am
all near still lone
this day i seek
some power to speak
this time i want
no souls to haunt
this wish i have
for all to unite
maybe it’s me, myself and i?

this time i seek
peace in me
this time o lord
no pain no loss
this time i seek
one with me
this time o lord
no sorrow no wrong
this time i seek
a suggestion from thee
one with me
or
me with thee

this time i seek
some sight from thee
some hope some respite
some ray to end plight
this time o God
show me right or wrong
are these signs of pain of sin
or signs of being worse than it’s ever been

this time o lord
is it yes is it no
is it here or a long way to go
………

this time i seek
no loneliness in me
some hope some pain
but no lonesome glee

more happy more sad
this time i wish
for a wand in my hand
to turn it all back

is it here is it now
i wish will YOU tell me
this time o thee
i wish
i had more years behind me